Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I'll Never Be Ticklish Again

Ok, so this past weekend we had a matinee production of [EvenNewerPlay!] right? So like it's sunny, and lovely out. And like, for this play, me and my witchy counterparts are barefoot. I.E., naked feet. So me and InternWitch are all creeping up the stairs onto this platform...when suddenly...


You guys? That platform? Was like HOT ASPHALT. No. Worse. Like HOT ASPHALT covered in GLASS that's like JUST been melted. And the thing is? Me and InternWitch can not suddenly be all "Holy SHIT! That's FUCKING HOT. Get me THE F off this thing!" We just have to keep on going...each starting at each other knowing that other knows that she knows that I know that we both know that everyone's feet are on fire. Also knowing that PrincessSean is about to make HIS entrance and we have no way of warning him of the pain he is about to endure.
It? Was kind of hilarious. Mostly because as soon as we exited we all just went "OH MY GOD MY FUCKING FEET."


So, naturally, we all made mud slippers for Act II.

And you know? I was gonna blog today about this super creepy stalker guy who frequents the library, and somehow found me at said matinee and hovered...creepily...by me even though I clearly had ZERO interest in talking to him and was like literally talking to every single other person/animal/plant in a 10 mile radius and ignoring him yet he did not cease hovering until I acknowedged him...but then the universe threw me a bone.

A lady told me I had "such pretty, white teeth" WIN.

This followed quickly by a young man, who is here a lot and whom I am always looking up like dog rescue info for who is super sweet literally just says to me:

DogHero: Hey Jessica! How are you today?

Me: Well, little bit of a cold.

DogHero: I'm sorry to hear that! I'm excited because today is my birthday!

Me: Awesome! Happy birthday!

DogHero: Yep! I'm going to Olive Garden and everything!


DogHero: For rrrrreals. But I just wanted to tell you that it is really a blessing to have you here. You are so helpful, and so kind, and just so sweet. And I really appreciate it.

Me: ::GASP:: Thank you!

DogHero: You need to hear that, and you should hear that.

Me: Well...maybe...just a little bit.

I was SO flattered, I turned purple. Those who know me know I have an amazing gift for undermining every compliment I'm given, but today? I just took this one in.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Brotha From Anotha Motha

Um. Sorry that I fail you guys.

But like...it's tech week? Which means all I'm doing is rehearsing, working, rehearsing, laundry, eating, possibly sleeping, then getting up and doing the same.

Also? THIS BLOG has been taking much of my creative energy...but it's SO worth it. So read it. Bitches.

Ok, so the other day we had a staff meeting here at Los Librarios Des Publicos and we were talking about the various behavior problems we have in the library. We were discussing like, keeping track of it, and then like sending our little "tracking list" to the higher ups to be like HALLLLP. And like, BossLady is all "Yeah, and like we would give repeat offenders 'nicknames' or something so that we know who we're talking about and we can track continual problems."

Hey! I just so happen to already HAVE a place where I track inappropriate library behaviour and give people nicknames!

I of course did not say this out loud...seeing as how they would FIRE ME. And then SUE ME.

But like, she gave this AMAZING example of this guy that used to come around that they called SilverBritches.


Well, they called him SilverBritches because he would always wear these shiny silver spandex shorts and park himself in front of the RefDesk so that the Librarians could have a perfect view of his shiny, silver, spandex erection.


And the day before yesterday? There was a man exposing himself to lady patrons in our library.


I'm calling him NoBritches.

And lemme just tell you? First time I see ANYONE'S Mr.Peeper here? I am NEVER coming back.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I Killed a Dude for Jesus

So, on the road this morning, I saw a bumper sticker that said "YES LORD! We WILL ride with you!" and it reminded me of a conversation I once had with some folks about how most Christian Pop/Rock songs are like...vaguely sexual.

I mean seriously. How many times have you heard some Christian Pop Diva singing about how she wants Jesus' love inside of her?

To prove my thesis, I thought I would go ahead and google some lyrics for you guys, and you can decide for yourself. I mean, all I am is a GoogleMonkey anyway right? For the record these are all from different songs.

I feel a burning, deep inside of meI feel your Spirit, it's moving around me
I hear Your voice, You're calling me closer
I know that You're here, You're calling me closer
And I will...

Christ, the hunger for him.

Only by grace can we enter
And now by Your grace we come
We come
Now by Your grace we come

I don’t want to live
For anything but You
And all I have to give
I give it all to You
Every breath I breathe
I breathe for You
And every word I’ll speak
I’ll speak for You

For the record ALSO? If I wake up tomorrow suddently believing in G.O.D? I'm totally becoming a Jew. I hear the conversion process is lengthy and difficult, but I figure I don't have to get any bits of bits chopped off, so it can't be that bad.
Anyway. I just thought you guys might wanna know that. For whatever reason.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

When Viewing and Printing Porn Just Isn't Enough

You should know that there is a man here.

Yes. Fascinating.

He is wearing some thug-tastic giant low-slung denim shorts.
When he left the RefDesk, turning his back to me...I got to see the back of said shorts.

On the back pockets, were two pictures of women..who were BOUND AND NAKED.


ETA to say that a woman just approached the RefDesk and said "My MapQuest keeps disappearing into a commercial."