Monday, October 26, 2009

It's Monday! Let's Eat Babies!

Ok, so one of our regulars is here know....'cause he's a regular.

And like, he's only usually MODERATELY creepy, mainly because of what he looks like. Like he kind of looks like if James Brown and Rick James combined to form Captain SoulWeave. He also sometimes wears hospital scrubs tops with his pants.

I do not think he works in a hospital.

ANYWAY. He usually comes by himself and like sits and reads EVERY PAPER in the building.


He brought....A BABY.

Yes. A baby. A baby that appears to be covered in ceremonial bells.

Or, maybe that's just a mobile.


Baby has not yet made a noise. I think for eating.

Look. I'm just saying? Baby in NO WAY belongs to Captain SoulWeave.

I'm keeping vigilant watch.

I did however have to turn away for a moment because a patron asked me how I tied my FASHIONABLE SUMMER SCARF.

Well, let's call it a Fashionable AUTUMN Scarf, seeing as how the seasons have changed, and although it is light-weight, it does contribute some warmth. In fact, it's the time of year for me to look like a consumptive Victorian again. The Library's thermostat is broken, and I will constantly be wearing scarves indoors to protect my delicate nature from TB.

I am not looking to emulate THAT part of Bright Star thanks very much.

Speaking of, go and see that film. Just beautiful....understated, quiet and lovely.


That Ben Whishaw? Expect more great things.

I will leave you with the following....

Just now, I have been asked to please monitor some creepy dude in the stacks who is surfing the Free Wireless Wave on his laptop. Apparently, he's been banned from like every other place in [City Where I Work] that offers free wireless for looking at kiddie porn.

So now I have been asked, to go over there periodically to see what he's looking at.


No? Like I don't want to see PORN. I have already seen enough PORN at the library to last me 3 goddamn lifetimes. Does no one think that mayhap I will be scarred beyond all reason if I have to see this shiz? I am not trained to deal with this kind of crap.

I'm a BOOK PUSHER people.

Oh, SPARE me. That's all I ask. I am at the point where literally, if I have to tell this creeper to please stop looking at HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS I may just

I also may not be able to refrain from spitting on him or kicking him in the jaw.


Not trained to rationally handle such things.

Poor, poor, dead soul.

You were just too high strung.

Friday, October 23, 2009

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Hey, hey! Look at me! New home! New post! It's a BRAND NEW DAY OF AWESOME! And? I'm wearing an amazingly hot pair of boots.

OK, so the day before yesterday lady comes in right? And she kinda looks like Emma from Glee if Emma from Glee where dressed up as Baby Jane for Halloween.

Like she has this bleached blond bob, which may have actually been a wig, and like, crazy ass makeup on. Her eyebrows have clearly been shaved off and replaced with a surprised line of RED PENCIL. She is clearly spray-tanned, and wearing and extremely low cut black shift dress and little puffy sleeved jacket. She is only checking out books about Marilyn Monroe and Jean Harlow.

Like...I get it lady. You're trying to look like an Old Hollywood Bombshell.

Instead? You look like an Old Hollywood Tranny.

Good luck to ya!

Also, I feel the need to share something with all of you. Y.B.P.M (Young Bonny Prince Malcolm) showed this to me, and it pretty much changed my life.

This is what you will be reading the remainder of your Friday:


Also? I don't know what's up with people's laundry situations of late? But there have been a crap-ton of folks up in here smelling like some SRS mildew.

Like how do you NOT know you smell like that when you leave the house. I have been told I have a bizarrely sensitive sense of smell (SUPERPOWER?!) but I mean, If I can smell the fact that there are spores of disgusting growing all up in your cardigan from across the RefDesk? You have an issue.

I mean, it's either mildew, or this a tribe of cats going around the area peeing in people's laundry baskets.

Either way, it's not OK.