*cough, cough*

Wow.
I pretty much suck at blogging right now. I mean, BoyKing fully called me out yesterday all "Um, hello? I have done tons of funny shit lately that the interwebs are currently ignorant of, so get on it."

First off, I am slowly recovering from what I think was probably a bout with

:::STAGE WHISPER:::

H1N1.

Tell no one, or they will have me put in isolation.

Ok, so this morning I went to check on my little I'mAnActressLookAtMe! account...you know that lists me as some all super awesome aspiring actress here...and it has me listed as "Hispanic/Latino."

Um, you guys?

I never selected that. Like, someone just made the assumption and selected it for me when they were processing my account. Which is hilarious. Also, unsettling.

Hey! Just call me AnyRaceJesse! I can fill your AnyRace needs! I'm like a freaking HARMONY poster personified!

Ok, so like, remember how I said my Stagecraft teacher MIGHT be totally smokin' fine?

Well, confirmed.

He's legit hot.

So, one of my classmates all like MySpace stalked him to find out how old he was so I wouldn't feel bad. See, these kids, they're all about helping me out.

And he IS actually 30. So WIN!

My teacher is NOT YOUNGER THAN ME. I pretty much think that this is basically a sign from the Universe that we have a complicated but beautiful future together. Further evidence that we're secretly M2B? I sent him an email that I wasn't going to be in class because...you know...Aporkalypse, and he was all "I'd be mad at you if you got me sick."
....

I think the "after we made out" part is implied right?

And now it's time for More Adventures in Acting Class with BoyKing!

So, we are doing this activity where we sit in a circle and everyone goes around saying one word and it forms a sort of nonsensical story. So, we're going around...

There.
Was.
A.
Girl.
Who.
Loved.
JESUS!

The last? Uttered by the only Jew in the room, BoyKing. This was followed by me laughing my ass off while the rest of the class tittered awkwardly. BoyKing attempted to recover by saying "It was because we were just talking about YBPM!"

??

Granted, YBPM is totes down with G.O.D. but who knew that in BoyKing's brain he was in fact synonymous with Jesus.

Hmmm.

Especially considering the only OTHER thing BoyKing has really ever said about YBPM is "I really like his muscles."

Food for thought all. Food for thought.

Speaking of YBPM, or Jesus, we went to go see our mutual pal InternWitch in a play last weekend. I brought my dear little B...you know, I know she has a blog nickname, but I can't remember for the life of me what it was...um...let's call her....BTony. Ok. So I brought BTony with me to the play, and I'm all this is this and that is that, and YBPM is all "I'm sure Jessica has told you about my unnatural amount of hand hair and how my body is totally disproportionate. Also, I have really tiny ears."
...

Um...no. Actually. I sort of didn't? Like what? Yes, agreed. YBPM has Wolverine hands. It's completely unsettling. Also? His legs are freakishly long and no normal human being can walk in time with him. And I had never noticed the ears until that moment, but now, naturally, I'm totally fixated on them. The fact that he thought that those are the things I'd be sure to preemptively point out has forced me to turn a mirror inward upon myself.

And what do I see? I see shallowness my friends.

Seriously though, like his ears are like FREAKY small. Like I don't even know how he hears things.